


and love too, will ruin us.

by Dingohh



Category: IT - Stephen King, It movie - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dead Eddie Kaspbrak, M/M, Post-Chapter 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 20:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dingohh/pseuds/Dingohh
Summary: I talk to you as if you're really there. / Are you there, sweetheart?Do you know me? Is the microphone live?(In which Richie Tozier writes a letter to his dead first love.)





	and love too, will ruin us.

Eddie, do you remember the first time we kissed? 

On the street-corner? How you were fretting about your mother's anger at you for being out this late, so I shut you up by running my hands through your hair, and one thing led to another and then you were fretting about getting some sort of mouth-std? How you started muttering about, ‘_Had I been kissing anyone else_’, ‘_where had my mouth been_’, and I said, “Yeah, sorry, i’ve been kissing your mum so you might have to get tested” And you acted mad, but your hand reached for mine in the dying light of the day, and we both understood you only complained to fill the silence?

And we just stood there like that, years and years between us now, forever separated by how strongly we felt for each other and how little we could express it.

It was a simple kiss, and it was tender and soft and it didn’t last very long but behind it i felt everything you ever felt in that stupid town. Like the fear, Eddie- how you trembled against it. We both knew the sort of thing that happened to boys that kissed boys in Derry, and it wasn’t good. 

But still in every possible moment we were as close to each other as possible; your hand reaching for mine everytime the others turned their backs.. Bickering as we lay over each other, blushing, in the hammock. Sharing food together, the rest of the Losers silently understanding you’d never share with anyone but me. How i was always touching your face and you never complained about the germs.

Together whenever possible, making up excuses to be alone together. 

In those empty school corridors, in the clubhouse when nobody was around.. That was us, wasn’t it? That’s who we really were, together in the quiet. Your eyes were so warm and calm then, Eddie. You never looked as scared when it was just the two of us. Sometimes i wish we could stay like that forever; that dumb, impossible safety in our youth.

Eddie, we both know I'm not good at goodbyes. Or anything, really. 

I was not good at keeping you safe, and i was not good at telling you how I felt. 

If I could change anything, I would have said it out loud, just once.

I've loved you since we were kids, Eddie Kaspbrak.

I think perhaps I always will. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen a lot of fix-it fits going around and I was like,,, how about I just do the opposite.  
I almost cried writing this kjasbdgasvfghv  
I'd love feedback if this made u sad (also apologies in advance if it did ;0;),,, im not very good at emotive writing but I tried my best <3


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